[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
[FATHER SIGHS]
[EXCLAIMING IN ANNOYANCE]
[UTENSILS CLATTERING]
Honey, it's family hour.
There must be something on.
DAUGHTER: Oh, wow, Candied Critters!
[FATHER EXCLAIMS]
Oh, great. It's Monsters. Our favorite show.
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
Shh, it's starting.
[MONSTROUS LAUGH]
[FATHER CHUCKLES]
[RADIO JOCKEY SPEAKING INDISTINCLY]
[CAR HONKS OUTSIDE]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[WATER GURGLING]
[SONG PLAYING ON RADIO]
* He doesn't know he's being shown
* The mighty works of his lord
* Greeting
* But in the heavenly house
* Got a single spare of powers
* And as god says he loves it that way
* And in heaven they'll be *
I'm looking for... Brother Roy.
You're here for the cleansing?
Right. Yes, I'm here for the cleansing.
Brother Roy is upstairs.
He'll be down in a minute.
You can wait here with me, if you like.
Well, thank you.
So, you're here for the cleansing also?
This is my fourth time. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I come at least once a month.
I'd come once a week if I could afford it.
Really? Gets expensive, huh?
No, not too.
See, I...
I messed up now and then,
and I start to feel real bad about it
and it builds up in me.
That's when I come here.
Brother Roy makes me feel pure and clean again.
Purity and cleanliness for a price, huh?
Well, sorta, but it's worth every penny.
Yeah, I'm sure it is.
Just how much does one of these things cost? [RATTLLING]
Hey, Helen.
Brother Roy.
Oh. [BOTH CHUCKLE]
You got a new follower.
Well, so I see. Welcome, sister. My name is Brother Roy.
Laura Daniel.
Nice suit, Brother. Where's the rest of the band?
Huh? Oh, thank you. I got it at the sale.
You... you here to be cleansed?
Actually I don't feel too dirty today.
I thought maybe I'd just get a blow dry.
Blow dry? [BOTH LAUGHING]
You're pulling my leg. Oh, no. I'd never do that.
Actually, if I'm gonna be taken to the cleaners,
I thought I'd like to get a look at the spin cycle once. See how it works.
Oh... I don't know. Helen?
I don't mind, Brother. You know, some needs to witness.
That's true.
See, I've only been here a few months
ever since Father Tarell died.
He's the one who took me in, showed me the way.
Helen don't mind, I don't mind.
You're very kind.
I only charge seven dollars to witness.
HELEN: It's a real bargain.
Seven dollars?
[CLICKS TONGUE] What if I wanna go all the way?
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Well, uh, that depends on you, you see.
It's kind of like dirty laundry.
The bigger the load you gotta wash, the more cost.
See, I got me a meter up there.
Just beat on, measures the amount of sin taken in.
So, you charge by the pound?
She's funny.
Uh, no, it's more like by the gallon.
By the gallon?
Yeah, yeah, it works like this...
You see, there are three levels on this scale.
The more sins you got, the higher the level.
So, if you ain't been too bad, stay within the first level.
Cost you no more than 20 dollars.
What if... I've been really...
really bad?
Well, the price goes up by degree, doubles with each level.
You... You get in the higher range, it can cost you a hundred dollars.
That ain't bad considering a lifetime of sins.
And for those in financial need
they got a special economy rate.
I guess you can afford to be generous.
If I was doing any better, couldn't stand it, the law wouldn't allow it.
BROTHER ROY: Come on!
Ladies.
DANIELS: It's cold in here.
BROTHER ROY: Yeah, you gotta keep it that way.
Extracting a sin is hard work.
By the sweaty brow...
Anyway it's...
We've been doing it since before we're born
and God willing, it'll be that way after we're gone.
DANIELS: I can hardly wait.
[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]
DANIELS: You gotta be kidding.
I thought you're washing souls, not sheets.
The sin extractor absorbs sin and evil like a sponge.
It's soaking up water but it's gotta keep on getting rid of it.
That gets a little messy.
[WHIRRING]
He was once the world's most evil man.
He had tons of quantities of sin.
And he was stinking with the stuff.
Bet you could also smell it on his breath.
And one day he died.
His spirit fell on him.
Gave him the power to cleanse.
To draw evil from the soul.
To save those who believe.
Little heavy on the eyeliner, don't you think?
No, don't you touch him unless you're ready to go with him.
I'm ready now, Brother Roy.
Sometimes, that old boy gets wilder than 36 dogs
and I don't want you to stand too close.
I ain't wolfing you, I'm serious as death.
[GROANS]
That's cute. What's he gonna do? Lay an egg?
Now, there's a sin-o-meter.
That's what measures the amount of sin drawn out.
Sin-o-meter, huh? [CLICKS TONGUE]
It's lot like a grocery scale, don't you think?
Oh, it's being converted.
I gotta be careful though
because it takes time for it to shed the sins it absorbs.
If that needle were to reach over the top, hell we'd be blowing out the tub.
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
[HELEN MOANING]
[MOANING]
Isn't it wild, man? I think she's gonna faint.
[CLAPPING]
Break out the Oscars. It's quite a performance.
I'd say the ol' boy is something of a ladies' man.
It's something now, isn't it? I knew you'd be impressed.
That's not what I meant.
Oh... you saw, didn't you?
As for you, I don't know if you're a great actress or a great fool.
What... You don't believe? But you saw...
Look, lady, I didn't just fall off the turnip wagon.
I knew this was a joke before I came.
Now that I've verified it, I'm gonna expose it in the paper.
Show everybody what kind of a game this is.
You're a reporter?
Bingo, boy wonder.
BROTHER ROY: Hey, am I gonna be in the newspaper?
Hey, you sure are.
Hey, where's your camera? Don't you need a picture?
[CHUCKLES] Yeah... For the post office.
Hello, Brother Roy, this is Houston. Come in.
Ain't that something, Helen?
I'm gonna be in the newspaper.
Hell, once people read about this, they'll come from all over.
I think I better get going now.
Sure, sure, Helen.
I gotta get everything ready for Miss Daniel here. She's gonna make us famous.
You are unbelievable.
Ah, hell ain't nothing. Where I grew up, we'd eat cane in the house.
I'm even gonna give you a cut rate. How about that?
And you just... you just make yourself comfortable.
I'll be back up in a few minutes.
It's just gonna take a li'l while for that to drain off.
So you just be sure you don't touch that sin extractor.
[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]
I'm sorry, Helen, I'm not going to make it to Bingo this week...
Ah, welcome brother.
Didn't mean to startle you. I'll be with you in just a second.
I just don't know about that woman, Brother.
Oh now, don't you worry about it. It's free advertising.
I'll see you next time, all right?
You say hi to Marby for me.
I will. Bye bye.
So, is there... Is there a burden we can help you with?
Who's we?
There, there's another lady upstairs.
Another babe around.
I wouldn't mind releasing a little burden. You know what I mean?
[CHUCKLES]
I think maybe you lost your way brother.
I lost my way a long time ago, sonny.
I ain't found it to be no problem.
Well, maybe it's just been so long that you, uh, forgot.
I, I'm here to help if I can.
You are gonna help me.
How you...
[APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS]
Who's that?
Oh, she's that reporter lady.
Reporter?
All right. Wake up, lover boy. Game's over.
[CHUCKLES]
[GROANS]
DANIEL: Stop it. [WHISPERS]
[GASPS]
Let go.
[DANIEL PANTING]
Let go. [GASPS]
[DISTORTED VOICE]
Oh, my God.
[DANIEL MOANING]
Oh, god.
[DANIEL PANTING]
Oh, my God.
Kinky.
What is this? Some sort of sex machine?
Ah, no. It's a sin extractor.
Oh, sin extractor.
What kind of sin?
Well, all kinds of sin. Don't make no difference what kind you got.
Well, you take your pick. I got 'em all.
No, thanks. I've had my share.
Weirdest looking blow-up doll I have ever seen. What's it do?
I... well, it, uh, draws the sin out of you.
Do I look stupid to you, boy?
No! You asked me and I told you.
Boy, if you had a brain, you'd be playing with it.
Don't try to make a fool out of me, boy.
[DANIEL BREATHING DEEPLY]
She looks like she just had the best... Time of her life.
Are you all right?
[EXHALES]
I feel wonderful. [CHUCKLES]
I feel like I just had...
Well, you've just been cleansed is all. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
By the looks of it, you were long overdue.
Ooh. I never knew that I was so... Bad.
Who are you?
Name's Larch. Larch?
You look familiar to me. Do I know you?
Maybe. I know lots of people.
Maybe you should get to know me better.
You won't be needing a machine.
Machine? [LAUGHING]
He... He thinks a sin extractor's a machine.
Oh. [EXHALES]
If you'd asked me that 30 minutes ago, I'd have said the same thing.
But now...
I'm free.
Free from what?
Free from... I don't know, sin.
Evil.
Nobody's free from that.
I do know you.
Larch Lazaar.
He killed those people. He's wanted for murder.
[GASPING]
I do know you.
Larch Lazaar. He killed those people! He's wanted for murder!
Oh, you already have.
Let go of me!
Just what I like.
Brother, I don't think you're acting in the best interest of your heart.
My what?
You better keep out of this or I'll whip you like a child.
No!
Nobody goes anywhere until I say so. Get it?
You are playing with your heartbeat, mister.
What did you say?
I said don't force me to do violence.
No!
That's what I thought you said.
Look, let us help you.
I'm a journalist. I can write a story about you,
Show the world your good side.
Oh, I bet you would.
Did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't have no good side?
No! You leave her alone!
[GRUNTS]
Funny, you're dumber than you look
and you're just about to make me lose my temper.
She's just been purified. Can't she have some respect?
Purified? Oh yeah, that sexy washing machine.
This thing doesn't look like it can purify anything.
What did it do for you, honey?
It can purify anything or anyone.
It's true.
You know you both are missing out the dots off your dice?
It can remove a lifetime of sins.
It was once the world's most evilest man, but now it has the power to cleanse.
You two are nuts!
Evilest man, my fuck.
Look, I didn't believe it, either.
I came here to expose it as a scam but it's no scam.
How come a fine looking woman like you be in cahoots with a thing like this?
I'm not in cahoots with anyone.
I've been changed just by holding its hand.
If you're telling me that by holding this thing's hand
is gonna wash away the sins of my lifetime
you got another thing coming.
'Cause I've got enough sins in me to choke a mule.
I broke all ten commandments. Some they didn't even write down yet.
And you know what? I stopped caring a long time ago.
Because you know why? Who cares about me, huh? Look at this thing.
Sin extractor!
BROTHER ROY: No, don't touch it.
Don't ever touch me.
You're not only stupid, you're crazy. I'll kill you.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just that if that thing gets overloaded, I don't know what will happen.
You wanted me to do it a minute ago, what made you change your tune?
Nothing, I just don't wanna force you to do something you don't wanna do.
Nobody tells me what to do.
You hiding something from me?
No, no sir, nothing.
Then what are you running around there for?
[GUNSHOT]
I said nobody goes anywhere until I say so.
Get over there, you stupid cow.
I get the impression that you don't want me to touch it
and hold hands with ol' boy after all.
What are you hiding in there?
Nothing... I just...
I don't know if it can take all the sin you say you've got.
Yeah, will you stop with that crap already?
It's true.
I thought you said it could hold the sins of a lifetime.
It just, it ain't draining as well as it was used to...
I mean it's pretty full already. I don't know what'd happen if...
If it OD'd on sin, huh?
That's a good one.
Guess there ain't but one way to find out, now is there?
Let me give you a hand there, boy!
[GROANS]
[DISTORTED VOICES]
[GROANS]
You like that, then?
[GROANS]
[DISTORTED VOICE] Nobody tells me what to do.
[CHOKING]
[GRUNTS]
[GUNSHOT]
[GROANING]
Welcome, sis. Hey, Brother.
Sorry to keep you waiting. I was just writing out your check.
Payment for three months in advance.
Kiss-a-vow, man. Many blessings to you, sister. [EXLAIMING HAPPILY]
And to you, too. That's a nice suit.
Thank you.
How's the new meter working?
Oh, it's fine. Best one I ever had. Very accurate.
Hopefully, I won't cause it too much stress.
You, uh, you just about ready, sister?
I'm ready.
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]